Burnout – What to do as a partner?
There are moments in life when we feel overwhelmed. It seems as though we can no longer withstand the pressures of daily life. The background to such feelings of overstrain can be burnout. It is primarily the sufferers themselves who endure this – but they are not alone. Partners also face the challenging task of accompanying their loved one through this difficult time. In this article, I would like to present some helpful tips for partners of people experiencing burnout.
The foundation for dealing with burnout
The first and decisive step is to accept the situation and show understanding. Even if it is not yet clear whether it is burnout or if other reasons lie behind the overstrain: admitting that one has reached a limit is not a weakness. Seeking support in such moments shows strength – and a readiness for improvement.
Is it really burnout?
Burnout has been included by the World Health Organization in the ICD-11 (International Statistical Classification of Diseases and Related Health Problems, Version 11, in force since 1 January 2022) as a factor influencing health¹. The causes are a complex interplay of various factors, which can vary individually from person to person. The familiar cause-and-effect principle ("This exactly is the cause, therefore we see this result") cannot be applied here².
Burnout usually becomes visible through a person's persistent feeling of stress and overstrain. However, it is essential to be aware that burnout cannot be healed by relaxation exercises or walks alone (while these can strengthen your partner in everyday life, they should absolutely be supplemented by therapeutic support). This is because healing must address what lies behind the symptoms of stress and overstrain. For a clarification of the underlying causes, a psychotherapeutic assessment is essential.
What you can do: Take your partner seriously. Regardless of the reasons, asking for help involves a great deal of effort for many people. This makes it all the more important to handle people mindfully during such a vulnerable phase of their lives.
What you can do as a partner during burnout
In this situation, it is very helpful to show compassion and signal to the person that you are there for them and by their side. When your partner talks about it, take the time to listen and take their feelings seriously. Active listening alone can be a great support: it gives your counterpart space and shows them that you acknowledge them. The key here is to listen to listen – not to answer. At the end, you can thank your partner for opening up to you and ask openly: "What support would you like from me?"
Sharing the burden: Solidarity in partnership
If someone is in the depressive phase of burnout, they may lack any energy – it often feels too difficult for sufferers even to get up to get something to eat from the kitchen, let alone go shopping at the supermarket. Here, you can support your partner by – depending on their current energy levels – providing available food and drinks, doing the shopping, and, if you have children, taking over childcare.
Finding professional support
Seeking a way out of a crisis together not only strengthens the partnership but also individual healing. Encourage your partner to seek professional help. In 1992, psychologists Freudenberger and North defined twelve stages of burnout, the last of which represent exhaustion depression. Depression must and can only be treated by trained and experienced psychotherapists. In Germany, therapy costs are covered by insurance in some cases.
Assisting in finding therapeutic help can be invaluable. Particularly during burnout – or advanced exhaustion depression – it can be very difficult for your partner to muster the energy for exactly that. You can find more information here regarding what health insurance covers and how to find a therapist in your area. You can discuss the available options and respond to your partner's wishes. A sensitive, mindful approach is crucial here, as people in these phases often feel very vulnerable.
A prerequisite for successful therapy is a basis of trust between the therapist and the client. If your partner does not feel comfortable with someone, it is perfectly fine to decide to keep looking after a trial session. When selecting professional support, specific topics (such as fear of the job, climate anxiety, or being overwhelmed in a parental role) can and may play a role. If you have established in conversation that there are focal points your partner would like to discuss with a professional, these can be mentioned in a trial session. This allows therapists to give honest feedback on whether they are the appropriate contact person for the topics mentioned. Beyond focal themes, however, the decisive factor is the feeling your partner has during the conversation with the professional. Sometimes a change can be worthwhile if one notices right at the start that they do not feel comfortable. This is precisely why trial sessions are frequently offered.
Strong together against burnout
In difficult times like these, it is crucial to take an active, supportive role as a partner and to exercise patience. In this way, step by step and with professional therapeutic support, you can overcome the challenge of burnout together. Be aware that your partner needs time for recovery. Your patience and affection support your partner so that they do not feel they have to "get through it alone" during this challenging time.
And you, too, are allowed to seek support for yourself: being a pillar for someone else also means regularly recharging your own energy reserves. Together, you can find paths leading to healing, as well as to personal and relational development.
Sources
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(1) ICD-11 for Mortality and Morbidity Statistics
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(2) Leibovici-Mühlberger (2013): “Die Burnout Lüge. Was uns wirklich schwächt und wie wir stark bleiben”.
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Gatterburg, Angela; Großbongardt, Annette (2012): “Diagnose Burnout. Hilfe für das erschöpfte Ich”.
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